As a little girl, I was terrified at night in bed to allow an arm or a leg to hang over the edge or out from under the blankets. To prevent that awful thing from occurring I would tuck my comforter around my body head to toes to contain myself in what felt like a safe, impenetrable container. I was very aware that “out there” was scary and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it especially at night alone in the dark.
All of my earliest opportunities to explore the dark were forced upon me.
For example, and of no choice of my own, I was left home alone at a very young as my mom was a single parent who had to work two jobs to keep a roof over our head and food in our belly.
One of her jobs was a paper route that I would later learn was a midnight to six a.m. seven days a week gig.
She didn’t tell me she had this job at first, hoping I would sleep through the night and not realize she was ever gone and I’m sure praying this would work for a few more years until I was old enough to be alone.
We lived in a one bedroom apartment in South Cape Coral. I must have been about 7 or 8 years old when I discovered she had this job.
One night I woke up and couldn’t find her on the couch where I knew her to sleep.
I was so scared.
Without realizing the dangers I felt compelled to go look for her.
In my underwear and my blankie I took off down the road (we lived on a main street) in search. Headlights coming from behind me alerted me to the presence of people. Two women in a pick up truck who realized I was alone and at risk encouraged me into their vehicle. I remember checking in with my inner knowing and thinking these women were trustworthy. One of them gifted me her hoodie to wear and they took me, at once, to the police station. Whew! Good job intuition.
It is any wonder that my mom was not arrested for abandonment and neglect and to this day I recognize how lucky I am that I wasn’t placed in foster care.
Important side note: I am truly grateful for the understanding of the authorities because my mom did her absolute best to care for us always doing whatever she had to do and separating us would have been the worst thing.
The officer was able to reach my moms employer and then asked me if I had any family in the area he could take me to. I didn’t. I thought of our old neighbors house from the first neighborhood we lived in when we arrived in Florida which was a good distance away from our home and so they brought me there, and my mom came and got me after work early that next morning.
She must have been so scared too!
I have many stories similar to this one where I can remember being left alone in the dark and forced to draw upon whatever courage and inner strength I could muster up.
🌟Every experience like this has taught me how to better navigate the dark. How to brave those times when I am alone and afraid and unsure of what to do or where to go. I’m certain it contributed to my resourcefulness among many other positive qualities. In fact, the reliance on my intuition really strengthened this gift in me.
🌟During dark and scary times I always first go within, and at some cellular level, without having to recall these old memories each time, I am able to remember how strong and brave I really am.
🌟We don’t really know until we experience it for ourselves and until then we just have to trust. And for each dark and difficult moment you encounter – remember to not allow it to go to waste- use it to remind yourself that you’ve got this because no doubt life has presented you with your own special circumstances and situations.
🌟Look how far you’ve come already and know that whatever scary and challenging thing you face you have what it takes to persevere.
🌟And finally, know that ultimately you are not alone. Beams of light drive right up to you in the darkest and scariest of times to further light the way to safety once again. It’s up to you to decide if you’ll catch that ride.